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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778336">Five Times Arthur Hit People for Merlin and One Time Merlin Returned the Favour</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermanthejanitor/pseuds/hermanthejanitor'>hermanthejanitor</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Best Friends, Childhood Friends, Emotional Constipation, Fluff, Growing Up Together, M/M, Minor Violence, More Fluff, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Protective Arthur, Underage Drinking</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-29</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 00:15:10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,984</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27778336</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/hermanthejanitor/pseuds/hermanthejanitor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how many times people told Arthur violence wasn't the answer, it didn't seem to stick, not when it came to Merlin.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>554</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>one hole shy of perfection</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Five Times Arthur Hit People for Merlin and One Time Merlin Returned the Favour</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Ygraine and Balinor are alive. Uther is less of a dick than he should be. Minor mentions of blood.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>Aged 6</strong>
</p>
<p>The first time was really just a big misunderstanding that by all rights Arthur should have been embarrassed to recall.</p>
<p>It all started when Merlin wasn’t on the playground during break time. Or really, it all started a week before, when Merlin first turned up in Arthur’s life.</p>
<p>Arthur had walked into the classroom one day and he had just been there, sitting at Arthur’s table on the chair he liked to put his feet up on when the teacher wasn’t looking. Arthur had stopped at the sight of him, blinking at the shock of dark hair cut too short to hide jug-like ears. His spindly frame was bent over his spelling book, which he appeared to be defacing with some determination. He seemed entirely oblivious to the world around him, Arthur included. Arthur glowered at him.</p>
<p>Something fell with a clatter and the boy looked up, blue eyes huge and clear when they settled on Arthur.</p>
<p>“Am I in your seat?”</p>
<p>“No,” Arthur glared.</p>
<p>“Ok,” the boy went back to doodling.</p>
<p>Huffing loudly, Arthur took his seat across from the boy, shoving the table hard enough to make his crayon jerk away from the dragon he was making to eat the school crest on the front of his book. The boy glanced up for a second, met Arthur’s scowl, blinked, and went back to his drawing. Arthur decided that he hated this boy.</p>
<p>Merlin, it turned out, had just moved to Camelot from some tiny Welsh village Arthur had never heard of. He was good at drawing, didn’t know how to tie his shoelaces and chattered non-stop about Pokémon. He wouldn’t kill a beetle even if it bit him, he could make severe Mrs. Annis laugh with a cheeky smile and he couldn’t kick a football to save his life.</p>
<p>On Wednesday Merlin told Arthur off for throwing a ball at little Morris’s head before class started. Arthur called him a worthless beggar, something his Mum had told his Dad off for saying, and was shocked when Merlin shoved him with all his might. Arthur was gearing himself up to tackle the other boy when Mrs. Annis called for them all to take their seats. Merlin studiously ignored Arthur for the rest of the day, no matter how many bits of paper Arthur threw at him or how many mean names he whispered at him when the teacher wasn’t paying attention. At lunch Arthur was considering dumping his lunch over Merlin’s head and seeing if the idiot would notice <em>that</em>, had even opened his lunchbox to do so, when one of the bigger boys ran into him and knocked the box out of his hands.</p>
<p>He looked on in despair as his neatly cut sandwiches and apple slices landed squarely in a muddy puddle. Tears stung his eyes and a wail of anguish was building in his throat when someone tapped lightly on his shoulder. Arthur turned and found Merlin looking at him with a scrunched up face. Without saying anything, he pulled out his own lunchbox, decorated with a roaring Charizard, and passed Arthur a sandwich wrapped in cling film. He cocked his head to one side, considering Arthur, and then pulled out two chocolate digestives and handed them over as well. He waited as Arthur just stood there gaping, before shrugging and wandering off again.</p>
<p>It took Arthur until the end of lunchtime to realise that he probably didn’t hate Merlin and until Friday to decide that they really should be friends.</p>
<p>He strode into school on Monday determined to inform Merlin of his change of heart, but was distracted by a rabbit someone had brought in for show and tell. In the end, Arthur only remembered his resolution when they were all let out for break time. He trawled through the playground in search of Merlin, ignoring the calls from the boys he usually played with and becoming increasingly frustrated when Merlin proved impossible to find.</p>
<p>He was about to go ask the teacher when he heard a familiar voice shouting.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to! You can’t make me!”</p>
<p>Arthur whipped around and saw the scrawny form of Merlin, tugging ineffectually in the grip of a white-haired man who was dragging him towards the car park. Merlin’s skin was flushed red with all the anger a six-year-old could muster, his eyes bright and flashing like indignant police lights. Arthur was running before he even realised he was doing it.</p>
<p>Gaius would years later describe the experience as akin to being mauled by a lion cub, much to the amusement of everyone but Arthur, who thought himself much more ferocious and warrior-like. He had thrown himself bodily at the man, small fists flying and yelling like a banshee.</p>
<p>“Let him go! Stop it! Let him go!”</p>
<p>It was all a mess of shouting and limbs until Arthur felt thin arms wrapping around him and trying to pull him off the wannabe kidnapper.</p>
<p>“It’s ok! Arthur, it’s ok!”</p>
<p>Merlin’s face was suddenly all he could see as the other boy wriggled his way between Arthur and his quarry. Seeing his opportunity, Arthur gave up his attack and grabbed Merlin, trying to drag him back to safety, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. Merlin wouldn’t come though, the stubborn idiot. He dug his heels in and grabbed Arthur by either side of the head, forcing him to meet those wide, earnest eyes.</p>
<p>“He’s my uncle! It’s ok, Arthur, he’s my uncle!”</p>
<p>Arthur paused, his fingers still curled tightly around Merlin’s arms.</p>
<p>“Your uncle?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, he’s my mum’s brother.”</p>
<p>“I know what an uncle is, <em>Mer</em>lin,” Arthur snapped but Merlin didn’t blink, his small hands keeping Arthur’s head still.</p>
<p>“He’s just taking me to the doctor.”</p>
<p>Arthur considered this, his heart rate calming.</p>
<p>“Are you sick?”</p>
<p>“No, I’m just getting a shot.”</p>
<p>Arthur wrinkled his nose and Merlin nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>“I hate needles. It’s ok though, he really is my uncle so you don’t have to worry.”</p>
<p>Arthur stared at Merlin extra hard to make sure he was telling the truth. Finally, with a dramatic sigh, he dropped his grip and stepped back.</p>
<p>“You really shouldn’t be such a wimp.”</p>
<p>Merlin rolled his eyes and looked ready to argue, but paused.</p>
<p>“You were trying to save me.”</p>
<p>Arthur frowned.</p>
<p>“Well, yeah, we’re friends.” It didn’t matter that Merlin hadn’t known that yet.</p>
<p>Merlin beamed at him, his smile taking over his whole face and making little half moons out of his eyes. Arthur didn’t think he had ever seen a smile so wide.</p>
<p>“That was really brave of you.”</p>
<p>Arthur shrugged, but couldn’t help thinking that Merlin made a very good point.</p>
<p>Of course, that was when the elderly Mrs. Grunhilda finally wheezed her way across to them and started berating Arthur extensively for attacking a defenceless old man. Gaius, who had only just turned sixty, was more hurt by that comment than anything Arthur had managed to inflict and asserted that the whole thing was a misunderstanding and that no harm was done. Merlin alternated between looking anxiously up at the adults and smiling at Arthur like he was a hero.</p>
<p>That evening Arthur was treated to a strict talking to by both his parents and had to meekly agree that he really should have gone to a teacher if he had thought something was wrong. He promised dutifully that from then on he would always use his words before his fists. The next day though, when Merlin bounced into class, hugged him warmly and handed him his favourite Pokémon card, a shiny Dratini, Arthur really couldn’t find it within himself to be sorry at all.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Aged 10</strong>
</p>
<p>The next time Arthur was careful to use his words first.</p>
<p>He had walked up to where Valiant was looming over Merlin, who was scowling up from the ground with grazed knees and hands, and had very clearly said, “apologise or I am going to punch you.”</p>
<p>Valiant, who was three years older and a bit thick, had sneered at Arthur and kicked Merlin’s Ben 10 backpack viciously. Arthur had been taught from a young age that it was important to stick to your word, so with that in mind he hit Valiant as hard as he could in the cheek. The bigger boy gaped at him, staggering back as much out of shock as anything else, until he lost his balance and landed heavily on his backside. Arthur ignored Valiant’s howling and crouched over Merlin, inspecting the blood oozing from one knee critically. Merlin gaped up at him.</p>
<p>“You shouldn’t have done that.”</p>
<p>“Are you ok?”</p>
<p>“You’re going to get into so much trouble.”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to go to the nurse.”</p>
<p>“Seriously, Arthur, your parents are going to be <em>pissed</em>.”</p>
<p>Arthur just shrugged.</p>
<p>“I did warn him.”</p>
<p>Merlin pursed his lips, but the corner of his mouth was tugging upwards.</p>
<p>“That’s true, you did.”</p>
<p>Arthur cocked his head hopefully and Merlin finally broke out into an all out grin. He reached out and dragged Arthur into a crushing hug, ignoring the token huff of objection and squeezing him tight. Arthur hugged him back of course, because Merlin was clearly upset and needed comforting. He breathed a dramatic sigh of relief when Merlin released him, but one look up at the unsmiling face of Mr. Bayard made Arthur want to dive right back in. Alas, there was no escape.</p>
<p>After the nurse had looked each of them over, three sets of parents were called and bundled into Headmaster Anhora’s office to shout in defence of their respective offspring. Arthur and Merlin sat outside, shoulder to shoulder, glaring across the corridor at Valiant. They made a show of whispering nonsense to each other, glancing pointedly at Valiant and giggling loudly. The bigger boy looked about ready to throw a chair at them by the time the Headmaster’s office door opened again. His parents immediately swept Valiant away and Arthur and Merlin waved cheerfully after him. They sobered quickly when four stern shadows fell across them.</p>
<p>Arthur was given two weeks detention and a severe talking to by Uther, who struggled to hide his pleasure that his ten-year-old had taken down a boy three years older and a head taller. A disapproving look from Ygraine set him back on track though and Arthur was sent to his room suitably chastened.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Later that night, Arthur was awoken by a light tapping at his window. He tugged open the curtains and found Merlin, perched on the tree just outside, grinning like an idiot. Arthur rolled his eyes, opened the window as far as he could and leaned out to more effectively hiss at him.</p>
<p>“What are you doing?”</p>
<p>“I wanted to make sure you weren’t in too much trouble.” Guileless eyes blinked at him.</p>
<p>“I’m fine, I thought it would be worse. Mum even let me have dessert. What were your parents like?”</p>
<p>“Mum was really angry at the school because apparently Valiant’s been caught doing stuff like this before and not punished. Dad was mainly just happy that he got suspended.”</p>
<p>“How about your knee? Is that ok?”</p>
<p>Merlin rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“It’s fine, it’s been fine every time you’ve asked me. It really wasn’t a big deal, you didn’t need to go all Captain America on him.”</p>
<p>“Of course I did, he would have broken you in half with his pinkie.”</p>
<p>“Nuh-uh, I had him right where I wanted him.” Arthur laughed. “I’m serious! Remember when I gave you a black eye last year?”</p>
<p>“That was an accident.”</p>
<p>“Or did I just want you to think it was an accident to hide my ninja skills?”</p>
<p>“You tried to juggle and dropped a grapefruit on my head. That’s not ninja skills, it’s not even circus clown skills.”</p>
<p>“Served you right anyway for saying I couldn’t do it.”</p>
<p>“You couldn’t!”</p>
<p>Merlin beamed, as if fraying Arthur’s temper beyond repair was his greatest joy in life. Arthur forced his frown to stay on his face. They were quiet for a moment.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry you got detention because of me.”</p>
<p>Arthur waved a dismissive hand.</p>
<p>“Don’t be an idiot.”</p>
<p>“I’ll wait for you after school everyday. I’ll do my homework in the library and walk back with you afterwards.”</p>
<p>“Why would you do that?” Merlin rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“The same reason you punched that butthead. Because you’re my best friend, dumbass.”</p>
<p>Arthur felt like his chest had been pumped full of helium.</p>
<p>“How come he’s a butthead and I’m a dumbass?”</p>
<p>“I don’t make the rules, I just live by them.”</p>
<p>“You’re a moron.”</p>
<p>Merlin shook his head sadly, “still so angry, I hope detention sorts you out.”</p>
<p>Arthur would have thrown something at him if he weren’t afraid that the twit would fall out of the tree and break his neck if given the slightest provocation.</p>
<p>“Just shut up and let me go back to sleep, you’ve caused enough trouble for one day.”</p>
<p>His stern look earned him a grin as Merlin started shimmying his way back down the tree. He made the whole operation look much harder than it was, and only found his way to the ground once several twigs had lodged themselves in his hair.</p>
<p>Arthur stayed at the window until Merlin trotted out of sight, turning back once to wave before he melted into the night. For an irrational moment Arthur wanted to climb out after him to make sure he got home safely, no matter that they had been doing the seven-minute walk between their houses almost daily for years.</p>
<p>As he settled back into bed, Arthur found himself smiling at his ceiling, his Dad’s lecture on the pointlessness of violence summarily dismissed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Aged 14</strong>
</p>
<p>The next time just left Arthur confused.</p>
<p>Arthur was frowning down at his lunch, wondering why schools even bothered serving vegetables if they were just going to boil them beyond recognition anyway, when he was jostled by Merlin throwing himself into the seat next to his. His shoulder pressed up against Arthur’s, warm through their thin uniform shirts. Merlin put his arms on the table and dropped his head into them dramatically, groaning mournfully.</p>
<p>Gwen peered over at him curiously.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong?”</p>
<p>Merlin mumbled something unintelligible and Arthur grabbed the back of his head and hauled him up so he wasn’t just speaking to the scuffed table.</p>
<p>“Mr. Alator made me stay after class because my last test score was crap. He went on at me for so long they were all out of strawberry milk by the time I got to lunch and now I have to wait a whole week until they serve it again!”</p>
<p>Arthur let Merlin’s head thump back down, a bit harder than necessary judging by the grunt of pain. Unapologetic, Arthur reached into his own backpack, pulled something out and placed it on the table in front of Merlin. Merlin was too busy wallowing in self-pity to notice. Arthur nudged him with an elbow and, when Merlin peeked up from the corner of his eye, nodded at the table meaningfully. Merlin finally raised his head enough to look and his eyes went round.</p>
<p>“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”</p>
<p>He quickly snatched up the bottle of strawberry milk, as if the universe would somehow contrive to deprive him again, and straightened so he could smile beatifically at Arthur. Arthur curled his lip in disgust.</p>
<p>“Revolting stuff.”</p>
<p>Merlin waved the bottle under his nose.</p>
<p>“It’s the nectar of the gods.”</p>
<p>“It’s for children.”</p>
<p>“We’re in school, we <em>are</em> children.”</p>
<p>“Some more than others.”</p>
<p>Merlin tried to glare, but his lips insisted on twitching upwards so he gave up and settled on shoving Arthur with his shoulder. Arthur returned with gusto and the situation was only saved from devolving further by Gwen’s timely interruption.</p>
<p>“How come you did so badly in your test, Merlin? That’s not like you.”</p>
<p>Arthur snorted.</p>
<p>“Merlin has an issue with physics.”</p>
<p>“Physics has an issue with me,” Merlin corrected, turning his attention to opening his milk.</p>
<p>“I kept telling you to study” Arthur frowned “do I have to actually beat you over the head with your textbook next time?”</p>
<p>“I did study.”</p>
<p>Arthur looked at him. Merlin only managed to meet his eye for a few seconds before skittering away.</p>
<p>“Ok, so I might have studied the wrong chapter…”</p>
<p>“Merlin!”</p>
<p>“I’m sorry!” Merlin’s shoulders rose so to his ears “I was finishing up my art project and got distracted.”</p>
<p>Arthur shook his head disbelievingly. Merlin was smart, probably smarter than Arthur although he would never admit it, but he was as flighty as a magpie and about as attracted to shiny things.</p>
<p>Merlin was saved from the rant Arthur was rapidly composing in his head by the arrival of Leon, Percy and Gwaine. Arthur immediately tensed. Leon and Percy inoffensively settled on the other side of the table, beside Gwen. Gwaine flung himself down next to Merlin and slung an arm around his neck, physically dragging Merlin to him and leaving Arthur cold down one side.</p>
<p>“Why the long face, sweetheart?” Gwaine smirked down at the entrapped Merlin “tell Gwaine-y all about it and he’ll make it better.”</p>
<p>Arthur narrowed his eyes at the blush rising high on Merlin’s cheekbones. He was only slightly mollified when Merlin shrugged off the trespassing arm and sat up straight again.</p>
<p>“It’s nothing, Gwaine, just a bad mark.”</p>
<p>Gwaine leaned in far too close and grinned rakishly.</p>
<p>“Don’t worry about that, honeybun, I’d give you a ten out of ten any day of the week.”</p>
<p>“Gwaine, that was awful,” Gwen complained and Arthur couldn’t help nodding in agreement.</p>
<p>Gwaine just smiled wider and ruffled Merlin’s hair in an overly familiar manner.</p>
<p>It wasn’t that Arthur didn’t like Gwaine, hell he had only been at their school for two months and already he was deeply entrenched in their friend group. But he had this habit, this <em>penchant</em> for touching Merlin. Arthur was used to Merlin getting nudges and playful punches from the lads, or one-armed hugs and arm touches from girls, but at the end of the day it was just a fact that no one got to touch Merlin the way Arthur did and vice versa. They had been best friends since they were <em>six</em> for fuck’s sake, it was as ingrained in him to sit shoulder to shoulder with Merlin as it was to write his e’s the right way round.</p>
<p>But then suddenly there was Gwaine, taking up Merlin’s personal space like it was his right and showering him with increasingly ludicrous pet names that made Arthur want to gag.</p>
<p>Arthur considered it incredibly invasive and if it were anyone else taking those kinds of liberties he would have set them straight long ago. The issue was that Arthur couldn’t tell how Merlin felt about the whole thing. He would shove Gwaine off and roll his eyes, but then sometimes he would wink and meet Gwaine innuendo for innuendo until Arthur couldn’t look either of them in the eye.</p>
<p>Honestly, it was all a bit stupid. It was worse than when Freya followed Merlin around all of Year 8 before she realised he wasn’t interested in being anything more than friends. No, Gwaine flirted and fawned and plucked at Merlin’s attention until Arthur felt like he could hardly have a conversation with his best friend without some a constant commentary of pickup lines in the background.</p>
<p>Arthur was broken out of his thoughts by a slender finger tapping his forearm. He glanced over and met steady blue eyes. Merlin cocked his head questioningly and Arthur shrugged, making a show of yawning. Merlin gave him a fond look and pressed their shoulders together once again, which, Arthur was satisfied to note, left a good few inches of space between him and Gwaine.</p>
<p>Arthur leaned heavily into him, doing nothing to support his own weight. Merlin’s mouth twitched and he had to brace a foot against the floor to stop Arthur crushing him. Arthur smiled to himself and did his best to tune back in to whatever rambling story Gwen was regaling the table with.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>It was after football practice that afternoon that Arthur saw Gwaine again. Or, more specifically, he saw Gwaine leaning with one arm against the side of the gym, boxing in a pretty blonde girl in a far from innocent manner. The pair’s heads were close together, teasing smiles on both their faces as Gwaine wrapped a hand around the girl’s waist.</p>
<p>The anger came on quick and strong, settling like a haze over Arthur’s mind. Before he had had a chance to think about it, he was striding over to the couple, jaw set like he was going into battle. Gwaine glanced up at his approach and grinned lazily, which hiked up Arthur’s rage to the point he wasn’t sure whether he would even be able to speak.</p>
<p>“Arthur, nice one today, that was a killer goal at the end there,” Gwaine stood back from the wall slightly, still too close to the girl “do you know Eira? She’s in my French class.”</p>
<p>Arthur grit his teeth into some semblance of a smile and nodded at the girl.</p>
<p>“You didn’t do so bad yourself, <em>Gwaine</em>,” Arthur punctuated the sentence with a ‘friendly’ punch to the shoulder that would bruise for days.</p>
<p>Gwaine winced and mouthed ‘ow’, shooting Arthur a betrayed look as he rubbed over the sore spot with one hand. Arthur just glowered back, fists still clenched and eyes dangerous. Eira said something about needing to get home and slipped away without a backwards glance. Gwaine looked after her a little hopelessly before rounding on Arthur with a scowl.</p>
<p>“What the hell was that about?”</p>
<p>“What do you mean what was that about?” Arthur barely managed not to shout, “what do you think you’re playing at?”</p>
<p>“Uh…football?”</p>
<p>Arthur’s knuckles went white.</p>
<p>“No, I mean what the hell are you doing with that girl?”</p>
<p>“Eira?”</p>
<p>“Yes!”</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with Eira?” Gwaine was starting to look pretty pissed off too.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong is that you’re leading Merlin on!”</p>
<p>Gwaine faltered.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Arthur jabbed a finger into his chest.</p>
<p>“You’ve been flirting with Merlin for <em>months</em> and then you just go and ditch him for some girl? That is such a dick move!”</p>
<p>Gwaine raised his hands defensively.</p>
<p>“I haven’t ditched Merlin.”</p>
<p>“What, so you’re just going to keep stringing him along? Or are you hoping for something on the side, because that’s-”</p>
<p>“Oh my God, will you just shut up for a second?” Gwaine waved his arms in exasperation “I’m not leading Merlin on!” he raised his voice when Arthur tried to interrupt “yes I’ve been flirting with Merlin, but it’s all in good fun, it doesn’t mean anything.”</p>
<p>“That’s bullshit! Does Merlin know that?”</p>
<p>“Yes! Hell, I asked him out <em>weeks</em> ago and he said that he only saw me as a friend, so I left it.”</p>
<p>It took Arthur too long to understand that.</p>
<p>Gwaine had asked Merlin out. Merlin had turned him down. Merlin hadn’t told Arthur about it.</p>
<p>Arthur blinked. Twice.</p>
<p>“But you still flirt with him, you do it all the time.”</p>
<p>“Yes” Gwaine shook his head “Merlin said he didn’t mind it and I like saying nice things to him. He’s sweet, funny and hot as hell, someone should tell him that.”</p>
<p>Arthur spluttered, staring at Gwaine like he was insane.</p>
<p>“<em>Merlin</em>? Hot?”</p>
<p>“Yes.”</p>
<p>Gwaine was still glaring at him, but Arthur’s anger had drained away to leave a bad taste in his mouth.</p>
<p>Of course, he knew Merlin wasn’t hideous. While Arthur had become broader and stronger over the years, Merlin was becoming sharper, more angular, with cheekbones that seemed to come out of nowhere and laughable ears suddenly giving him an almost fey look. He wasn’t hot though, not at all.</p>
<p>He was <em>Merlin</em>, a mess of rangy limbs and awkward shapes, his face more familiar to Arthur than his own. Sure, he had those soulful eyes, but he never got the kind of attention Arthur did and didn’t seem to want to. Hell, Arthur hadn’t even heard him express an interest in anyone since they were twelve and he had been caught drooling over a shirtless David Beckham in one of Arthur’s football magazines.</p>
<p>Arthur sighed, running a hand through his hair. He suddenly felt very, very tired. Gwaine was watching him warily, rubbing the spot where Arthur had hit him.</p>
<p>“Sorry about that,” Arthur nodded at his shoulder.</p>
<p>Gwaine shrugged and offered a wry smile.</p>
<p>“No worries, I probably should have seen it coming.”</p>
<p>Arthur didn’t ask what that meant.</p>
<p>Later, slouched next to Merlin in front of the TV, Merlin’s leg slung carelessly over one of his own, Arthur wondered why Merlin had turned down confident, handsome, football-playing Gwaine. He said nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Aged 17</strong>
</p>
<p>Morgana was the worst.</p>
<p>Arthur and Merlin were at the kitchen table, books spread out between them. Merlin’s music leaked from his earphones, buzzing in the background as Arthur poured over his economics essay. Merlin sighed quietly and Arthur glanced up, watching as Merlin tapped his pen against pink lips, glaring down at his English homework as if it had personally wronged him.</p>
<p>Keys sounding in the front door was all the warning they were given before Morgana swanned in, lush dark hair flowing behind her like the tail of a comet. Merlin looked up and grinned, pulling out his earphones and standing to hug her.</p>
<p>“Morgana! I heard you were back this week.”</p>
<p>“Hello, Merlin,” she smiled warmly “I’m surprised it’s taken me a whole day to run into you, I didn’t know you and my brother could be apart for that long.”</p>
<p>Merlin coloured, one hand rubbing the back of his neck.</p>
<p>“I was working at Gaius’s yesterday.”</p>
<p>“Of course,” Morgana smirked.</p>
<p>Merlin swerved the conversation back to how Morgana was finding her second year of university and they chatted happily, Merlin moving automatically around the Pendragons’ kitchen as he made them all tea. Arthur tuned them out, focusing on his essay until Merlin passed him his mug with a little smile that caught his attention. He shot Merlin a suspicious look and went to sip the tea, his eyes widening as the scent hit him. Merlin grinned.</p>
<p>“Gaius got a delivery yesterday so I snagged you some.”</p>
<p>Arthur hummed happily, inhaling deeply from the cup before taking a sip, relishing the warmth as it settled inside him. Merlin shook his head and turned back to Morgana.</p>
<p>“Are you sure he wasn’t secretly raised by wolves or something? He literally never says thank you.”</p>
<p>Morgana looked between them, perfectly painted lips puckered.</p>
<p>“What’s going on?”</p>
<p>Merlin waved a hand.</p>
<p>“Arthur is crazy for this disgusting maple bacon tea Gaius sometimes orders.”</p>
<p>Arthur took another life-affirming sip before speaking.</p>
<p>“He got it once by mistake and Merlin dumped the whole stock on me.”</p>
<p>“Yes, well you’re the only one weird enough to like it.”</p>
<p>“Just because you have the taste buds of a-”</p>
<p>“Why do you keep ordering it if no one else likes it?” Morgana cut in, gaze sharp.</p>
<p>Merlin turned back to the counter and started fussing with his own mug.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I add it in when we order stock to give a bit of variety. Anyway, Morgana, what are you doing with your week back in Camelot?”</p>
<p>He offered Morgana a sunny smile that she looked entirely unconvinced by, but she let the conversation move on. She sat down next to Arthur at the table and picked up Arthur’s economics notes, flicking through them as she talked. Arthur snatched the book out of her hands with a glare. Without missing a beat she picked up the next notebook in the pile and started going through that instead.</p>
<p>She paused when she came to a page that, rather than being filled with Arthur’s precise handwriting, was dedicated to a very detailed and unflattering caricature of Mr. Aredian, the Deputy Headmaster. Morgana snorted and turned the book to Merlin.</p>
<p>“Your work, I presume?”</p>
<p>Merlin glowed with pride “oh yeah, that took me a whole lunchtime to do.”</p>
<p>“And you drew it in Arthur’s book because?”</p>
<p>“It’s more fun.”</p>
<p>Arthur rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“He means that he likes to mess up my very <em>neat</em> and <em>ordered</em> notes with ridiculous doodles. I literally can’t show any of my books to my teachers because he’s defaced them all.”</p>
<p>“You’ll be thanking me in a few months when you’re in one of your catastrophic revision panics and you find this masterpiece. It’ll save you from a full on meltdown.”</p>
<p>“<em>No</em>, it will piss me off that you wasted so much space with that nonsense.”</p>
<p>“Excuse you, it’s not nonsense. Mr. Kilgarrah says I’m the best in the class.”</p>
<p>Morgana shot Arthur a questioning look.</p>
<p>“Kilgarrah is the very deluded art teacher who thinks Merlin actually has some talent.”</p>
<p>Merlin scowled at him, but there was no heat, Merlin was all too aware of how much Arthur actually liked his work.</p>
<p>Morgana closed the book and set it to one side, leaning forward and fixing Merlin with a predatory smile.</p>
<p>“That’s enough about school now, Merlin dear. How are other things going?”</p>
<p>“Oh, well, my mum-”</p>
<p>“No, no,” Morgana tutted, “I didn’t mean that. I meant have you found yourself a luscious hunk of man to grope behind the bike sheds yet?”</p>
<p>Merlin went bright pink and immediately started stuttering.</p>
<p>“No?” Morgana cocked her head “I heard you were with that Gilli boy for a bit.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s tongue seemed to be trying to retreat back down his throat, so Arthur stepped in.</p>
<p>“Merlin ditched that loser ages ago.”</p>
<p>Merlin scowled. “Don’t be mean.”</p>
<p>“He thought wombles were real animals.”</p>
<p>Merlin shrugged weakly “he was nice. He used to give me all his red skittles.”</p>
<p>Arthur shook his head dismissively and Merlin gave up. Morgana, on the other hand, was far from finished.</p>
<p>“So, there’s no one else?” she pressed, “no charming slice of muscle you want to climb like a tree?”</p>
<p>“Morgana!” Arthur objected. Merlin was back to useless spluttering, staring at the floor and shaking his head like he was trying to dislodge a bug.</p>
<p>“That’s a shame, you deserve someone to spoil you, Merlin,” Morgana snapped her fingers “I know, Edwin’s brother is only a year older than you, I’m sure he would be interested.”</p>
<p>Arthur wrinkled his nose “Edwin, that friend of yours with all the ferrets? No way, his brother is probably weirder than him.”</p>
<p>“Oh no,” Morgana purred “they’re nothing alike. Ewan was on the rugby team at his school and is quite the little treat, I assure you. I think he’s even got a motorcycle-”</p>
<p>“Merlin is <em>not</em> going on a motorcycle!” Arthur’s heart rate nearly doubled at the very idea. Merlin scowled at him, but decided against complaining for fear of encouraging Morgana.</p>
<p>Of course, Morgana didn’t need any encouragement.</p>
<p>“Well he just broke up with his last boyfriend, so if Merlin felt like riding something else of his-”</p>
<p>At this point Merlin took the expedient of sticking his fingers in his ears and yelling “la la la!” as loud as he could, his eyes screwed shut. Arthur kicked Morgana in the shin viciously under the table, earning a retaliatory pinch that would bruise for days. The siblings glared daggers at each other until Merlin had deemed it safe to stop yelling and open his eyes.</p>
<p>“Morgana, <em>please</em> stop talking about this,” Merlin begged, “you’re like my sister, this is so weird.”</p>
<p>Morgana smirked “does that mean that Arthur is your brother?”</p>
<p>“No!” Arthur was startled by the vehemence of Merlin’s voice and stared at him until he went red again.</p>
<p>It took some effort after that to get the conversation back to more neutral ground, but Morgana seemed satisfied to let the boys natter about school and classmates and TV shows until Ygraine returned from whatever volunteering project she was working on that week. Merlin was invited to stay for dinner, but said he was expected home and scampered off with a strained smile for Arthur and a wary look for Morgana.</p>
<p>Arthur considered that the end of it until he was lying on his bed that night, absentmindedly scrolling through instagram. He had just liked a photo Gwen had posted of her and Merlin posing with matching sunglasses when his bedroom door clicked softly open and Morgana slipped in. He sat up and scowled at her.</p>
<p>“Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?”</p>
<p>“Why? Were you planning on having a wank?”</p>
<p>She grabbed his phone out of his hand, ignoring his protests, and raised a delicate eyebrow at the photo.</p>
<p>“You really were as well, how scandalous.”</p>
<p>“Gross!” he snatched the phone back “I haven’t liked Gwen like that in ages. Besides, she’s going out with Lance now.”</p>
<p>Morgana looked at him as if he were stupid but let it go. She shoved Arthur’s legs out of the way so she could perch next to him on the bed, her eyes boring into the side of his head. Arthur squirmed and looked away, watching her out of the corner of his eye.</p>
<p>“Seriously, Morgana, what are you doing?”</p>
<p>“Just wondering how you can be so dim.”</p>
<p>Arthur’s jaw clenched.</p>
<p>“Great, good to know. Get out.”</p>
<p>Morgana, naturally, didn’t move.</p>
<p>“Do you remember when you were twelve and Mum took us all to go stay with Aunt Nimueh in Portugal for the summer?”</p>
<p>Arthur grunted.</p>
<p>“That first week you refused to leave the house for anything at all. We were at this glorious beach with all these amazing things to see, but you wouldn’t be more than six feet from the phone at any one time in case Merlin called.”</p>
<p>Arthur rolled his eyes “I get it, I’m a brat.”</p>
<p>Morgana just shook her head.</p>
<p>“Do you remember how Mum called Hunith that night and they were on the phone for ages? She was really quiet and mysterious the next day and then had Dad basically carry you to the car. We all drove to the airport and then suddenly there were Hunith and Merlin, Merlin grinning so wide I thought his little head would split.”</p>
<p>Arthur smiled at the memory, remembering how Merlin had nearly tackled him to the ground with a bear hug while Hunith had looked on with shining eyes. The two of them had stayed with the Pendragons for a month that summer. It had been one of the best holidays of Arthur’s life.</p>
<p>He and Merlin had spent as much time in the ocean as out of it, turning brown and red in the baking sun, a constant layer of sand covering their skin. They had shared ice creams and played family board games and listened to Nimueh’s tales of monsters and heroes. They had run through nearby villages, Merlin parroting phrases to shopkeepers and earning them little baked goods and sweets. They had played hide and seek with neighbours’ children and made up ridiculous word games with Morgana until they all cried with laughter.</p>
<p>He remembered how dull everything had seemed once Merlin had been swept away by an apologetic Hunith, who had left Gaius in sole charge of the shop for as long as she could in good conscience. Those last few weeks in Portugal had dragged by, grey and unremarkable, until Uther had had to go back to Camelot early and Arthur had begged to go with him. From then on there was barely a holiday where Merlin wasn’t with them for at least a week, with or without his parents.</p>
<p>“I remember,” Arthur’s voice was nearly a whisper.</p>
<p>“I think that’s when I knew.”</p>
<p>Arthur turned to Morgana, who was watching him unblinkingly.</p>
<p>“Knew what?”</p>
<p>“That’s when I knew you loved Merlin.”</p>
<p>Arthur snorted “I thought you were supposed to be smart, Morgana, he’s been my best friend for as long as I’ve known him, of course I care about him.”</p>
<p>“No, you dunce,” the words were gentle “I mean that you <em>love</em> him. You’re <em>in love</em> with him.”</p>
<p>Arthur let out an incredulous laugh.</p>
<p>“That’s ridiculous!”</p>
<p>“No, it’s not. He’s your favourite person in the world. He’s the only one who can deal with you when you’re in a mood, the only one you never get sick of having around. You’d walk through fire to make him smile and you’d throw yourself off a cliff before you’d see him hurt.”</p>
<p>“He’s my <em>best friend</em>. Just because none of your friends-”</p>
<p>“No, we’re not talking about me right now,” Morgana’s face was deadly serious “let me ask you this – if Merlin walked up to you tomorrow, said he loved you and kissed you like it was your last day on Earth, what would you do?”</p>
<p>Heat flushed through Arthur’s body, his heart suddenly beating too loudly and his stomach clenching too tightly.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re getting at.”</p>
<p>“I think you do.”</p>
<p>Arthur was silent, staring fixedly at a section of floor as if it held the answers to the universe.</p>
<p>“Why are you saying these things, Morgana?”</p>
<p>An elegant arm wrapped around Arthur’s shoulders and the smell of Morgana’s shampoo washed over him, fresh and citrusy.</p>
<p>“Because you’re my brother and I love you, and I wanted you to realise the truth before it was too late.”</p>
<p>“Too late?”</p>
<p>Arthur turned to face her. Morgana smiled, sad and just a little bit mean.</p>
<p>“He’s not going to wait forever you know, and I don’t want you to only realise this when he’s fallen in love with some fantastic bloke and you’re left standing there with a broken heart and years of regret.”</p>
<p>Arthur wanted call Morgana ridiculous and melodramatic. He wanted to laugh at her and shrug off her words like an uncomfortable jacket. He couldn’t though. Morgana gave him a final squeeze and a peck on his forehead before she slipped back out into the quiet house. In a daze Arthur switched off the light and crawled into bed.</p>
<p>Weak dawn light was already filtering across the ceiling by the time sleep finally claimed him. In that time he had come to one conclusion: he hated it when Morgana was right.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Aged 17</strong>
</p>
<p>The next time was a disaster from start to finish.</p>
<p>“So, you’re picking me up, right?” Arthur blinked at Merlin in surprise as he materialised out of nowhere upon Arthur exiting his maths classroom.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>Merlin’s face was earnest, his eyes serious.</p>
<p>“Tonight, I have my art show? You told my mum you would drive me back after.”</p>
<p>“Oh, right,” Arthur blinked, a stab of guilt lancing through his stomach.</p>
<p>“You forgot.” It wasn’t a question.</p>
<p>“No, not at all, of course I’ll be there.”</p>
<p>“Because you promised.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“It’s the only reason I agreed to do this thing.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“It’s an hour out of town and my dad is away, mum is working, the buses stop running after eight-”</p>
<p>“Ok, ok, I get it!” Arthur snapped, “I said I’ll be there.”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>For a second he could see the hurt in Merlin’s eyes, slipping through his defences like a knife. Then it was gone. Merlin gave him a final hard look, not even a twitch of a smile to his lips, and disappeared back into the bustling hallway.</p>
<p>Arthur slowly let out the breath he hadn’t consciously been holding. It had been like this for almost two months now. Ever since Morgana had waltzed into his room that night and turned everything on its head. He almost loathed her for it. Now he couldn’t talk to Merlin, couldn’t look at him, without her words dancing in front of his eyes. He felt like it was tattooed on his forehead, like every time he acknowledged Merlin’s existence he was giving himself away.</p>
<p>It wasn’t even that he was a boy, though that was probably part of it. It was the fact that it was his best friend, who would look at him with those big, pitying eyes if he ever found out. Arthur couldn’t deal with that, couldn’t deal with having his heart broken by the person who would hurt just as much while doing it. It made it impossible to be around him. Of course, Merlin had noticed.</p>
<p>At first he had been patient, leaving Arthur to his own devices in the evenings rather than pushing passed the meagre excuses he offered up for why Merlin couldn’t come over. Then he had been worried, following Arthur around like a kicked dog, carrying on one-sided conversations in a voice so forced and bubbly it made Arthur want to scream. He had tried to corner Arthur into talking to him, had tried to entice him out on weekends with tickets to football games and movies Merlin had no interest in, had tried to ask their friends about him. He had sat silently at their lunch table, craning around Percy or Leon or whatever barrier Arthur had contrived to put between them, trying to read the answers on Arthur’s face.</p>
<p>Worst of all was the day when Arthur had found a piece of paper on his desk in his first class of the day. On the paper a little cartoonish Arthur, wearing a crown, rested his head on one hand and looked forlornly out from a window at the top of a tower. Climbing the tower was a little Merlin, dressed in knight’s armour and waving a sword, ears scaled up to ridiculous proportions and sticking out of his helmet. There was care in every line of the drawing, every inch of it pure Merlin, from the little birds dancing around cartoon-Arthur’s head to cartoon-Merlin having lost a shoe during his climb, all of it to try and make Arthur smile.</p>
<p>On the reverse of the paper the words “miss you”, written in Merlin’s cramped script, small enough that it was like the letters themselves were embarrassed by their honesty. They tore into Arthur’s heart in new and terrible ways.</p>
<p>But that was the whole problem, wasn’t it? Arthur’s heart. Arthur’s wretched, traitorous heart that tried to escape his chest whenever Merlin glanced his way. It hurt, <em>fuck</em> it hurt, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t inhabit Merlin’s space, couldn’t listen to his laugh, couldn’t deal with his smile. Everything had changed and it was all too much. Arthur hid in a classroom that lunchtime and hated himself for it. If he were braver or less selfish or even just a bit less in love he would have been in the canteen at that moment, throwing an arm around Merlin and ruffling his hair, grinning like the past few weeks had been but a bad dream. But he wasn’t and he didn’t.</p>
<p>The final blow came that night with a soft, familiar tapping at Arthur’s window. Arthur had lain in the dark, frozen, his chest pounding like it was the boogeyman come to collect him. He almost threw back the curtains just to make sure Merlin wasn’t about to kill himself clambering about on a tree that had no business supporting a seventeen-year-old boy. He didn’t know how long it took Merlin to give up and go home, but Arthur didn’t get a wink of sleep that night.</p>
<p>After that it got easier and worse. Suddenly it was Merlin avoiding him, sitting with Freya and the other art kids at lunch, only meeting up with their friends when he knew Arthur couldn’t, finding an excuse to get out of every joint family dinner their parents tried to set up. Their friends looked at them as if they had cut off their limbs and left them at home, but no one said anything, at least not to Arthur.</p>
<p>So that was how they were now – barely speaking, snapping and glaring when they did, worse than strangers. It made him physically ache.</p>
<p>As Arthur trudged to his next class, he tried to shore up his resolve. Things would be ok, they <em>would</em>. He would make sure of it. He just needed space and time, just enough that he could look Merlin in the eye without thinking about kissing him, or wank at night without immediately latching onto him, or flirt with a girl without automatically wishing she were him. As soon as he was over this, everything would go back to the way it should be. Merlin would always forgive him, no matter how much of a prat he had been, because that was how they were. Soon this would just be a bad memory, he just had to get a grip.</p>
<p>Nodding to himself, Arthur determined to push everything ‘Merlin’ to the back of his mind, as he had been training himself to do for weeks. It was a Friday. Fridays were good. No school tomorrow, no…anyway, Fridays were good.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Cenred King knew how to throw a party. He and Arthur had never got on, Cenred hating Arthur for being made captain of the football team over him, and Arthur hating Cenred for being a vile dick of the highest order. That being said, he could pull raucous amounts of booze out of thin air and had the best sound system in school. That, plus absent parents, meant that Cenred’s house was the place to be for the rowdier students on a Friday night.</p>
<p>Arthur was slumped on a sofa, nursing a beer he hadn’t learnt to like yet and listening to Cenred leer with a few of the others over girls at the party. He had largely tuned them out, focusing instead on peeling the label off his beer.</p>
<p>“You see Sophia Waters over there? Honestly, she makes me believe in God because those tits are a fucking work of art.”</p>
<p>Hoots of laughter met this pronouncement.</p>
<p>“Watch it, Cen, those are Pendragon’s leftovers you’re drooling over,” Jarl, one of Cenred’s cronies, sneered at Arthur.</p>
<p>“Is that right, Pendragon?” Cenred drawled, turning to him, “you went there with Waters, did you?”</p>
<p>Arthur snorted, glancing at Cenred uninterestedly.</p>
<p>“Hardly. We snogged a couple times when we were thirteen, it wasn’t anything.”</p>
<p>“Ooh” Jarl curled a mocking lip “she your first then?”</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>They kept jeering but Arthur went back to ignoring them.</p>
<p>Sophia hadn’t been his first anything; his first kiss had come weeks before. Arthur had been whining to Merlin as they tramped their way through the woods behind Merlin’s house. Morgana had teased him that morning for never having kissed anyone, calling him the Always-Frog Prince, until Arthur had stomped off in a temper. Merlin had let him complain non-stop for about ten minutes before he had spun around with a huff, grabbed Arthur by the shoulders and pressed their lips together with a short, firm peck. It was over almost before it had begun and then Merlin was just scowling at him.</p>
<p>“There, can you shut up now? I’m trying to listen for a woodpecker.”</p>
<p>Arthur had nodded mutely and Merlin had pinned him with a warning look before setting off again. It had taken Arthur kissing Sophia to discover that not all lips were as soft as Merlin’s.</p>
<p>After Sophia there had been Gwen, which had been little more than a hand he awkwardly held for a week. Then there was Vivian, a disaster, and then Elena, a different kind of disaster, and then, for a record-breaking three months, Mithian. None of them had lasted and Arthur hadn’t really minded. He had resigned himself to waiting until university to find something serious. Of course, that was before Morgana’s little revelation.</p>
<p>Arthur was morosely tapping his empty beer bottle against his knee and considering going for a fourth (fifth?) when Gwaine swaggered in. He was greeted by a boisterous cheer from the room and was just opening his mouth to say something undoubtedly stupid when his phone went off. He took it out, frowned, and went straight back out again, raising it to his ear. Taunting calls followed his retreat and soon Arthur had almost forgotten he had been there at all.</p>
<p>Suddenly though, he was back and making a beeline for Arthur, hauling him up roughly by an arm, a black look on his face. Arthur blinked in confusion, his bottle clattering to the floor as he took in Gwaine’s ferocious expression.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, Arthur?” Gwaine practically growled.</p>
<p>“Fuck does that mean?” Arthur tried to shake him off “it’s a free country.”</p>
<p>“What I <em>mean</em> is that apparently you had somewhere else to be tonight.”</p>
<p>Arthur stared at him, vacant and irritated.</p>
<p>“What are you talking about?”</p>
<p>“Merlin.”</p>
<p>“What? What the hell does Merlin…”</p>
<p>Comprehension dawned. Dread crawled up from his gut and clamped around his chest like a vice, almost suffocating him.</p>
<p>“Shit.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, shit is right, Princess!”</p>
<p>Arthur closed his eyes, scrubbing a hand across his face helplessly.</p>
<p>“His art show, I forgot…<em>fuck</em>, I completely forgot.”</p>
<p>He looked at clock on the wall. <em>Shit</em> it was late, how long had Merlin been waiting? He pulled out his phone and his heart sank when he remembered that it was dead. He had meant to borrow a charger from someone, he really had, he hadn’t <em>meant</em> to…</p>
<p>“I’ll go now,” Arthur went to push past Gwaine but was halted by a firm hand on his chest.</p>
<p>“To hell with that, you’re drunk! I’ll go and you just thank your lucky stars that at least one of us is sober, or else who knows what the fuck Merlin would have done?”</p>
<p>Arthur winced. The pit that had been forming in his stomach seemed to grow in size until he felt hollowed out. The only thing keeping him standing was force of habit. Gwaine was out the door again before Arthur had registered he was going. He was left swaying and lost, staring sightlessly ahead. He probably would have been stuck there for hours if it weren’t for Cenred’s sneering voice.</p>
<p>“Where’s Greene off to?”</p>
<p>Arthur tensed, his hackles rising as Cenred’s stupid, smug face swam into focus.</p>
<p>“He’s gone to get Merlin.”</p>
<p>“Emrys? That little freak-”</p>
<p>Arthur was throwing the punch almost before the words had registered. It was Cenred’s bad luck really, like stepping on a coiled bear trap. He went down with a shout of pain and Arthur watched on unrepentantly. He knew it wasn’t really about Cenred at all, he knew whom he really wanted to beat into the ground. Cenred just made a worthy stand-in. Arthur left quickly, barely registering the shouts from Jarl and the others, shouldering his way between indistinct partygoers and into the cold night air.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>The next day Merlin wouldn’t answer his phone.</p>
<p>Arthur wasn’t surprised, considering the stream of increasingly desperate and pissed off voice messages his phone had spewed at him as soon as he had plugged it in the night before. He had forced himself to listen to each, dying a little as he heard to hope leave Merlin’s voice, as he slowly realised how thoroughly his best friend had abandoned him. Gwaine had sent him a monosyllabic text signalling that Merlin had got home and Arthur had fallen into the uneasy sleep of the drunk and over-tired, his face damp and eyes puffy.</p>
<p>In the morning the first thing he did was call Merlin, the ringing matching up to his pounding headache. He kept trying even as he dressed and brushed his teeth. He only stopped to shove his phone into his pocket for the short run to the Emrys’ house. When he got there he was sweaty, out of breath and looked exactly like someone too hung over to be out of bed. He knocked anyway. Hunith came to the door and he cringed internally at the coolness she met him with.</p>
<p>“Hi, Hunith, sorry to bother you so early, but is Merlin in?”</p>
<p>She was silent for a moment before she answered, scanning Arthur head to toe.</p>
<p>“No, dear, he went into school.”</p>
<p>At Arthur’s confused expression she went on.</p>
<p>“He went to take his art show piece in, Mr. Kilgarrah wants to display it somewhere to show off his achievement,” she paused “he won a prize last night, you know. We’re very proud.”</p>
<p>“Oh.”</p>
<p>Arthur was almost too miserable to breath, let alone speak. Hunith’s expression softened.</p>
<p>“He should be in one of the art classrooms, if you wanted to talk to him.”</p>
<p>“Right, yes. Thank you.”</p>
<p>Hunith just gave him a sad look, which ratcheted up the clawing guilt another few notches, before gently closing the door.</p>
<p> </p>
<hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>Arthur found Merlin in Mr. Kilgarrah’s empty classroom, staring dead-eyed at a canvas propped up on an easel Arthur could only see the back of. He started when Arthur pushed the door open, blinking like a man just returning to Earth from a long way away. His face hardened quickly.</p>
<p>“What do <em>you</em> want?”</p>
<p>Arthur flinched. Merlin had never used that tone with him before. He didn’t think Merlin had used that tone with anyone before.</p>
<p>“I…I came to say that I’m sorry. For last night.”</p>
<p>Merlin could have been made of stone.</p>
<p>“It was a total fuck up. I completely forgot and my phone died, and then I was drunk or I would have come right away, I swear. I’m really, really sorry.”</p>
<p>Merlin leaned back against a table, arms folded across his chest and jaw tight enough to hurt. His eyes seemed to go right through Arthur. Arthur had been away from those eyes for too long, any tolerance he ever might have built up was gone. He felt weak in the knees and light in the head.</p>
<p>“Fine.” Merlin’s mouth barely opened as he ground out the word.</p>
<p>“I mean it.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>Arthur swallowed and looked to the ground. He didn’t know what to do, what could possibly make things ok again.</p>
<p>“Congrats, by the way. On your award.”</p>
<p>Merlin shrugged.</p>
<p>“It’s not a big deal.”</p>
<p>“Don’t be an idiot, of course it is.”</p>
<p>Merlin stiffened and Arthur wanted to cringe. This was all so <em>wrong</em>, so utterly and completely wrong, this gulf between them that should never have existed. Arthur didn’t want space from Merlin, had never wanted space from Merlin. He wanted them to be so close they could share a heartbeat.</p>
<p>Suddenly that was all that mattered. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that if he left this now, there would be no going back. Merlin would keep fading from his life until they all went off to university and then they would never speak again. He couldn’t let that happen.</p>
<p>“I…I’m sorry for everything else too…” the words clogged in Arthur’s throat “the past couple months, I’m so, so sorry, Merlin, truly.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes flared and he spun away as if he had been struck, his back to Arthur. Arthur could see the outline of his shoulder blades through his t-shirt. Merlin’s whole frame was trembling now, from suppressed rage or tears it impossible to tell. Arthur covered the space between them in a few quick paces, rounding the easel until he was close enough to hear his ragged breathing.</p>
<p>“What are you sorry for, Arthur?” Merlin’s voice was choked “for letting me wake up one day without a best friend or for not having the decency to tell me why?”</p>
<p>“Merlin...”</p>
<p>The pain in Arthur’s chest was a physical thing, sharp and hard and unbearable. He glanced away from Merlin for a moment to try and force back the wetness gathering in the corners of his eyes.</p>
<p>That was when he saw the painting Merlin had been staring at, his art show piece. It was colourful; a rush of hasty brushstrokes, rough and overlapping, layered so that the paint was almost thicker than the canvas it was on. The image was clear though. It was of him. Arthur.</p>
<p>The details were indistinct, a figure captured in motion. His eyes were little more than a smear of clearest blue, his hair a sun-dappled mess of colour, his mouth red and laughing. There was something alive about the way the features tumbled together though. Despite the apparent recklessness of the brushwork, there was affection in how the shapes had been coaxed out of the chaos. It wasn’t photo realistic, or really anything more than a blur of paint, but somehow it looked more like him than any picture of he had ever seen. The whole thing sang with joy, youth and warmth. It burned as if barely a blink away from jumping off the canvas.</p>
<p>“Wow,” Arthur breathed.</p>
<p>Merlin glanced around and grimaced when he saw Arthur goggling at the painting.</p>
<p>“Right. That.”</p>
<p>His tone brought Arthur back to Earth with a bump. He was desperate to ask why, to ask what it meant, but he knew he was in no position to do so.</p>
<p>“What are you going to do with it?”</p>
<p>Merlin shrugged, eyes fixed on a point somewhere over Arthur’s shoulder.</p>
<p>“Kilgarrah wants to hang it in the art department for a while, God knows why, and then I don’t know.”</p>
<p>“I want it.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes flicked to his in surprise.</p>
<p>“You do?”</p>
<p>“Of course, I love it.”</p>
<p>“You do?”</p>
<p>His voice was quiet and just that little bit soft. It was all Arthur needed, just a sign that hadn’t lost everything yet. He took a breath, screwing up every last bit of courage he could find. No more hiding.</p>
<p>“I love everything you do, that’s kind of the problem,” he dropped his gaze, focusing on Merlin’s right shoe “you wanted to know why I’ve been so awful recently and that’s it. I realised that I wanted to be more to you than just your best friend and I couldn’t handle it, so I ran away. It was stupid and cowardly and you didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Arthur bit his lip before forcing himself on.</p>
<p>“I know…I know this will be weird for you, and I get it if you don’t want to hang out for a while, but I want to make things right, I want that more than anything.”</p>
<p>Merlin made a little strangled sound and Arthur’s eyes tracked up against his will. Merlin was staring at him, pale and unsmiling, his eyes seeming to take up his whole face.</p>
<p>“What…” Merlin’s voice was hoarse and he cleared his throat “what do you mean it might be weird for me?”</p>
<p>Arthur hunched his shoulders.</p>
<p>“Me being in love with you and all. It’ll make things awkward.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“Because you don’t love me back.” The words stung as he said them and Merlin seemed frozen to the spot, gaping at him like he was a freak of nature. The silence hung between him, impenetrable and worse than anything Arthur could have imagined.</p>
<p>“<em>Fuck</em>, you’re stupid.”</p>
<p>And then Merlin was kissing him.</p>
<p>It took Arthur longer than he would ever like to admit to respond, but luckily for him Merlin was persistent. When his brain kicked into gear though, it was everything. Merlin started to pull back, already trying to talk, but Arthur was nowhere close to done, so he grabbed him by the waist and kept them flush together. Merlin put up no resistance, just let out a little pleased hum that turned everything solid in Arthur to mush. He could feel his heart pumping through his whole body, could feel Merlin’s chest and stomach against his own, could taste Merlin’s breath on his tongue.</p>
<p>Finally, a very real lack of oxygen forced Arthur to break away, leaving them standing forehead to forehead, panting against each other’s mouths, arms tight around one another.</p>
<p>“Please tell me that that wasn’t a pity kiss,” Arthur breathed, opening his eyes to find Merlin already staring back at him. He was rewarded with a not-at-all-gentle pinch to the ribs.</p>
<p>“You’re a moron,” Merlin glared at him, which from so close meant he was nearly cross-eyed “I have been in love with you for as long as I can remember, everyone knows that.”</p>
<p>Arthur didn’t even try to contain the manic grin overtaking his face.</p>
<p>“Everyone?”</p>
<p>“Except you apparently. I thought that’s what the past few weeks were about, that someone had told you and you didn’t want me so you were trying to help me get over it.”</p>
<p>Arthur let out a little whining sound and pressed forward again, kissing his apology against his lips again and again until Merlin was smiling too wide for it to work. Arthur settled for mouthing down his cheek and jaw, finally burying his face against Merlin’s neck and holding him as close as he could, inhaling deeply. God, he had missed him.</p>
<p>“Does this make you my boyfriend?” Merlin’s voice was light but Arthur could still hear the uncertainty. Idiot.</p>
<p>“You’d better fucking believe it.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s arms went impossibly tight around his shoulders and he pressed his face against Arthur’s hair.</p>
<p>“Ok,” he murmured right into Arthur’s ear, the delight in his voice clear and beautiful “then I’m your boyfriend too.”</p>
<p>And that was that.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <strong>Aged 18</strong>
</p>
<p>Arthur was lying in the grass, his head cushioned on Merlin’s crossed legs. Nimble fingers weaving through his hair, Merlin’s bent head blocking the sun. He heard a soft giggle and peeked one suspicious eye up at Merlin.</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Nothing,” Merlin sing-songed, staring down at him adoringly.</p>
<p>“Idiot.” Arthur closed his eyes again. The git had probably put leaves in his hair.</p>
<p>Merlin was quiet for a while, humming tunelessly to himself as he carded through Arthur’s hair and stroked along his jaw and neck. Arthur felt like purring. He reached up blindly until he found the back of Merlin’s neck with one hand and left it there, rubbing his thumb against warm skin.</p>
<p>“Arthur?”</p>
<p>“Mmm.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to know where I’m going to university?”</p>
<p>Arthur screwed his eyes tight.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“No?”</p>
<p>“No. We’re never going to university, it’ll be summer forever and we can just lie in the garden until we’re old and grey.”</p>
<p>“We’ll get hungry.”</p>
<p>“I’ll hunt us squirrels.”</p>
<p>“I am not eating a squirrel.”</p>
<p>Arthur opened his eyes to more effectively pout up at him.</p>
<p>“Not even for me?”</p>
<p>Merlin flicked him on the forehead.</p>
<p>“Don’t push it.”</p>
<p>He was smiling though, so achingly soft, and Arthur just wanted to exist in this moment forever. Merlin was never one to leave well enough alone though.</p>
<p>“It might not be so bad.”</p>
<p>“Shut up, Merlin.”</p>
<p>“We have to talk about it at some point.”</p>
<p>Arthur buried his nose against Merlin’s jean-clad thigh. Merlin leaned down and brushed a kiss against his cheek. Arthur used the hand he had on his neck to keep him there, turning and craning up, bringing their mouths together upside down and off-centre but lovely all the same. After a minute he let Merlin retreat, but he could still feel puffs of breath against his face.</p>
<p>“It doesn’t matter you know,” Merlin’s voice was gentle.</p>
<p>Arthur made a face and yanked on Merlin’s hair a bit harder than was nice, because of course it mattered.</p>
<p>“I mean,” Merlin persisted “that our plan is going to be the same no matter what. We’ll call all the time and visit on weekends and come home for the holidays. We’ll still be us.”</p>
<p>Arthur groaned.</p>
<p>“Everyone says that, Merlin, it always ends up going to shit.”</p>
<p>Everything was still for a moment and then Arthur sat up with a yelp, rubbing at the side of his head where Merlin had just <em>slapped him</em>. He twisted around and scowled, but Merlin just smiled.</p>
<p>“Don’t be a prat. Sure, these things are hard, but I’ve already put up with you for over a decade, I’m not giving you up just when I’m starting to get some use out of you.”</p>
<p>He winked. Arthur swallowed, his anger dissipating as he flashed back to just how many uses they had found for each other a few hours ago. Merlin leaned forward then, cupping Arthur’s face and staring him dead in the eyes.</p>
<p>“We’ll work it out, I promise.”</p>
<p>Maybe it was the naivety of youth, or maybe Merlin really was wiser than he liked to give him credit for, but Arthur believed him. He took a breath and turned properly, folding his legs in a mirror of Merlin and grabbing both his hands. He squeezed them tightly and nodded.</p>
<p>“Ok, let’s do this. Tell me where you’re going.”</p>
<p>“No, you first.”</p>
<p>“<em>Mer</em>lin, you’re the one who asked if I wanted to know!”</p>
<p>“The offer expired, now you tell me.”</p>
<p>He understood then that Merlin was just as afraid, just as desperate as Arthur was. That more than anything convinced him that everything would be ok, because a Merlin with a mission was nigh on unstoppable. He took a breath.</p>
<p>“I’m going to LSE.”</p>
<p>Merlin’s eyes went huge.</p>
<p>“In London?”</p>
<p>“Obvi- ah! Merlin!” Arthur suddenly found himself knocked to the ground, Merlin showering his face with kisses and shaking with uncontainable laughter.</p>
<p>“You’re brilliant. You’re absolutely brilliant, you know that?” He got out between kisses “you’re bloody great, you are, fucking fantastic!”</p>
<p>Arthur was laughing too now, hope making his heart almost soar out of his chest.</p>
<p>“Shut up you idiot, tell me where you’re going!”</p>
<p>“Complete prat, I could strangle you!”</p>
<p>“Merlin!”</p>
<p>Merlin paused, beaming down at him like the sun.</p>
<p>“UCL.” Well, that was almost a whole twenty-minute walk away.</p>
<p>Arthur took a full second to process that and then he was launching himself upwards, rolling them over again and again as he crowed his delight, bumping his mouth against Merlin’s in the best approximation of a kiss they could manage when they were both grinning so widely. They stayed like that for an eternal moment, laughing and kissing in the sun, until Morgana got fed up and set the sprinklers on them. Arthur still didn’t let Merlin go though; he wasn’t planning on doing that for a long, long time.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for making it to the end!! I have been fiddling around with this for months and I'm still not sure about some parts, so any and all feedback is much appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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